These Ghost’s Got No Regrets!

These ghosts are happy and well-adjusted!
These ghosts are happy and well-adjusted!

Cripple Creek, Co. Any ghost hunter with a cable reality show will tell you that Ghosts are “trapped” by trauma, unfinished business, or some other prattle. We went to one of the most haunted places in America and came back with proof that it just ain’t so…
Many “spookers” use expensive Ghost Boxes to speak with ghosts. Here, the paranormal energies are so powerful, we were able to just use an old transistor radio to speak with two rambunctious spectres. Their candid interview sheds new light on the after-life, and hauntings in general.

Scuzzfeed: you say that being a ghost is actually a good thing?
Ghost1: Oh, sure, Life is great!  Get it? Life..
Ghost2: He means afterlife, and heck yeah- we have a blast! No eating (and no dieting either.)  We get to play cards
Ghost1: And mess with tourists!
Scuzzfeed: So you’re not stuck in a bleak in-between world of suffering and filled with grief?
Ghost2: Are you for real? You’re the ones stuck in a ceaseless pool of bitter ennui order by midnight you’ll get a free
(Editors note: the radio frequency ghost communication software is still not perfect)
Ghost1: Did we mention you don’t have to poop?

All eternity to play cards- sound like Heaven?
All eternity to play cards- sound like Heaven?

Scuzzfeed: So what can you tell us about the after-life
Ghost1: Well it’s pretty much like… what was that movie?
Ghost2:  Bettlejuice.
Ghost1: Yeah, Bettlejuice- that was a documentary.
Ghost2: Damn Skippy

Scuzzfeed: Is there anything you have to tell us?
Ghost1: Life Sucks, choose death
Ghost2: Don’t let anyone tell you to “Go into the light”

Well, that just about wraps it up. Fear the Reaper? we say- Pshww!

  -Robert Bobington