Porn Sites are now the safest pages to visit on the Internet

Feeling scared by internet hacking? Maybe some Porn is what you need.
Feeling scared by internet hacking? Hey, relax! just do it!

Las Vegas, NV- America’s Porn industry has launched a new campaign: PornSafer. PornSafer seeks to raise awarness about how much safer porn sites are than online banks, stores, or even large news outlets. All of this thanks to: The Equation Group.

The Equation Group is the name given by Computer Security firm Kaspersky to a group of ultra sophisticated hackers that have infiltrated- well, everything. These brazen hackers act as if they pwned the internet, and they appear to have actually done it. The finesse of these attacks have been so expert, that this virus may have existed over 14 years without detection. Many signatures predicted by Edward Snowden have, in fact, been  discovered by the Kaspersy team. So is this the work of the NSA, and by inference, the U.S. government?

The Equation executable file reduced to a massive MD5 hash and converted to a bitmapp.
The Equation executable file reduced to a massive MD5 hash and converted to a bitmapp.

“That’s just B******t!” says Sam Brownback, Kansas Governor and Comcast employee. ” This is undoubtably, the work of the most nefarious international angency of choas- the Illuminati” He points to an eerie image, now circulating the internet, that shows the hackers codes converted into an  ouroboros. This greek image of a snake eating it’s own tail has long been associated with dark, closeted, psuedo-religeous sects. So, what if the governor is right? What can we do if every detail of our lives is already owned and sold?
“You can kick back, and watch some Porn” Says Monte Thunderback, industry spokesman for the PornSafer initiative.”Hell, when every conceivable legitimate site can be used to harvest your personal details, why would they waste anytime infecting our sites? I mean most of our users are losers. Who’d even want their credit card info? 
 ” Thinking of paying your mortgage online? -PornSafer”.
Indeed.
                                      – Kenneth Kenbow