Cupertino Ca.- Tim Cook C.E.O. of Apple® Inc. has released what many are hoping will be the next “must-have” Apple® product. The Apple® watch. In a technological step back, Apple® has returned to the basics. This simple piece of fruit with an analog watch in it harkens back to the classics like a mash-up between Hieronymus Bosch and Rene Magritte with just a dash of Salvador Dali.
“Don’t like the classic clock with hands?” Stated TimC (All Apple® employees now have ‘hip’ new names) during the media frenzy party, “Just slip in a digital!” Which he did to the explosive cheers of the Scientology-like crowd of employees. And who can blame them, having exhausted the limits of slave labor to produce over priced technological gadgets, they’re opening a new market. They will now be exploiting the previously dying craft of fruit carvers.
Starting at $350, the cryogenically frozen, hermetically sealed products will require frequent apple replacement. But for $17,500, you will receive a freshly carved fruit via express delivery every two days. You can even change colors! Red, Yellow and Green being the most popular. Feeling Blue? a bottle of Apple® approved food coloring is available for only $99.
Is this the beginning of a revolution? They certainly hope so. Apple® may be the richest corporation on the planet, but times are hard. Recently, they found it economically impossible to share enough corporate air and light for academy award winning documentary filmmaker Alex Gibney to interview senior staff. Maybe the “NeXT” thing is really what they need.
So run out and order one. Apple® Watches are on back order until September 2015 already (or whenever the next harvest is in Argentina). And it comes in a Really Cool Box®..