Americans Believe Belief is more Real than Reality

This would be Ironic if more people knew what that word meant, as it is: it's just moronic
This would be Ironic if more people knew what that word meant, as it is: it’s just moronic

Anytown, USA– Americans have long been agnostic towards science and factual information, but a new Bartco Poll has shown the tipping point has  been surpassed. While denial of Climate Change, and a belief that God favors Americans have been long held by many, America, it seems has just moved in to “Crazy Town”. This Poll, conducted on multiple fronts ( Internet, Phone, Personal questionnaires solicited out side of Wal-Mart’s) shows a staggering disconnect between the average American and the “Really Real World”.
Bartholomew Simpson, the Polls director states it like this: ” We attempted to access the general public’s critical thinking ability by posing simple either or propositions. Such as: Is it more likely the Rapture will come in your lifetime, or that Global Warming will wipe out all life in the next 100 years” Mr. Simpson chokes a little as he wipes away an involuntary tear, ” On a scale of 1 to 10, Ten being a perfect correlation between responses and fact, and One being a perfect dissociation between the two, respondents ranked a -3.”
  How, you might ask is that even possible? Mr. Simpson continues his explanation: ” The problem is not only were that VAST majority unable to differentiate between fact and fantasy, they were unable to create a coherent answer. Let me give an Example: The question is:
‘Is it more likely that Barak Obama is a sleeper ISIL agent, bent on the destruction of America, or Rush Limbaugh might sometimes bend the truth?’ Most people were not even capable of giving an answer, there were thousands of answers that were just swearing, Many offers to pray with Pollsters, a few solicitations for sex, and at least 3 respondents used concealed guns to threaten our employees. One of those incidents was over the phone. That person accidentally shot himself when the bullet ricocheted off his phone receiver”

Below is a compiled list of the most outrageous beliefs held by a majority of Americans:
1) America is in Danger of becoming a State Ruled by Sharia Law, when it should be led by a fundamentalist Christian Patriarchy.
2) Aliens are behind the global warming scare because they want a pristine planet to conquer so screw ’em!
3) Freedom is the greatest goal of humanity, but is too much responsibility for Women, Blacks, Asians, Liberals, Gays, and anyone else who is different from me.
4) If you build it, they won’t come.
5) Prayer is the only thing that can save America, and if it doesn’t: that’s just Gods’ will.
6) The only thing that can stop a Bad Guy with a gun, is a Good Guy with an RPG.

So where do we go from here as a nation? 
I’m going to “The Office” to have a drink.

Here’s the Chart:


               -Kenneth Kenbow