World held back a year- must repeat 2016

Heaven God has made a rare intervention and declared that humans have under-performed their Karmic  lessons for the first time in known history. With so much riding on the world at this crucial time- (S)He has declared a “do-over” for 2016. Our very cosmic matriculation has been set back one year meaning the Alpha Centauri’s might graduate before us.
Failure to meaningfully address global issues such as poverty, climate change, racism and religious fanaticism appear to have prompted this action. That, and presumably, Trump. The list of American transgressions against sanity are too numerous to list here, but we will try as 2016 begins again at midnight.
Since the New Year has been cancelled, all parties should be called off and everyone should get a good nights sleep because tomorrow – It’s Back to Work. You might want to consider giving up smoking and binge drinking anyway, but that’s up to you.
God has decreed that until we stop acting like stupid spoiled children, we shall be treated as such. (S)He closed by saying this is not Obama’s idea to stay in office even longer.

Happy Year!

-Scuzzfeed Staff